Unreserved Chaos

The other day I had to rough it out in the ‘cattle class’ (general compartment) of a superfast train for a three-and-half-hour long journey, for want of an alternative. As it was around 6.30 pm and the train was nearly criss-crossing the country from Ernakulam to Delhi, I did not even take a chance to try my luck in a sleeper class compartment.

Earlier while buying the ticket at Koyilandi (a mofussil station near Kozhikode) for Mangalore I had enquired if it was any way possible to upgrade it. The woman at the ticket counter replied in the negative and warned that as it was already dusk I might risk getting fined if I travelled sleeper class with an ordinary ticket!

Having travelled many times in the reserved sleeper class for long trips (lasting 2-3 days) I was all too familiar with the inconvenience caused by those without reservation. Hence I decided not to be a cause of their misery and braced myself for the din, bustle and stench of the general compartment.

They are generally the first or last compartment of the rake and are the most unkempt ones. The train arrived about 20 minutes late and I made a dash to the last compartment, which looked already full with little foot space left. 

I did make it to the passage of the train and moved further into the aisles aiming to get a seat. A couple of years of commuting 'sardine class' in Mumbai’s suburban trains have taught me that getting into the aisle was the best way to ease suffocation, prevent achy shoulders and even get a seat in the bargain. 

About two stations later lady luck smiled, though the seat I got was hardly comfortable. Nearly six passengers were squeezed into a row seat, which was actually meant for 3-4 people.

The passengers were a mix of locals who were going on short haul journeys lasting a couple of hours and the migrant workers, who were in for a long haul to their home towns in the country’s cow belt. This under-class also happens to be the mainstay in general compartments of almost all the trains that chug along the Indian Railway’s expansive network. 

As for Kerala these migrant labourers provide the much-needed brawn to its acute shortage of manual labour, thanks to the upward mobility of its natives, who prefer white collar jobs or migrate to Gulf countries. After months of back breaking work at construction sites and other places that require hard labour, they were on their way to meet their near and dear ones. 

From the snatches of conversations I overheard I could gather that some were going to attend marriages, some to fix the roof or flooring of their houses and some even to reclaim their dues from recalcitrant and shifty borrowers.

In Loop With Wireless World

Though the way they live or travel may not have changed from their predecessors (could see the same old padlocked antique looking trunk boxes and cloth bags stocked under the seats), there was one tangible difference.

The new generation migrant workers have definitely got a toe hold into the wireless digital world, all thanks to low call rates and the entry of cheap mobile phones in the market. The presence of large number of smartphones (mostly of the Chinese and Indian make) in the compartment came as quite a revelation to me.

These labourers may be light years away from following the Mahesh Murthy-Mark Zukerberg free basics vs net neutrality debate and the ad blitzkrieg by Facebook, but they appeared quite savvy and nimble fingered while handling the devices they had in hand. Almost everybody was busy playing games, listening to music and watching downloaded movies to sustain them for the long journey. Some were even WhatsApping.

A couple of them were on the lookout for sockets to plug in their phone chargers. I am sure some of those ancient trunk boxes may even have power banks stocked in them!

A couple of years ago there was a news item stating that India has more mobile phones than toilets, a finding that was not so flattering and pointed to the skewed priorities of our countrymen. Now the day is not far when we may hear that the country has more smartphones than toilets!!

Also Read: Bangalore Beat

Sink-ara Chennai

The second spell of heavy rains have made floods in Chennai reach frightening proportions, with aerial photos and videos of arterial roads turning into rivulets with flyovers acting as markers, stranded people being herded out of their homes by whatever means possible. Things had reached the tipping point during the first wet spell, which lasted nearly two weeks, but the current one brought the city face to face with catastrophe, with even the airport being shut down.

Ironically the city was once synonymous with perennially hot climate, scanty rains, water shortages with long queues and high decibel quarrels before hand-pumps dotting street corners in the older parts of the city. Weathermen used to rationalize the city's aridity by claiming that Chennai happened to be in a rain shadow area.

Even when it rained it used to be more like dew drops and those driving cars had to first switch on wind shield washers to make it wet enough for the wipers to clear the blurry wind shield. Heavy showers were very rare and those carrying umbrellas were dismissed as being sissy. 

A perceptible change occurred after the region was rocked by Asian tsunami in 2004. As the north east monsoon hit Chennai in 2005 the raindrops were far bigger and lethal, the showers were of much longer duration. That was the year hurricane Katrina struck US and Chennai too had its own 'cyclone season', some of which brought heavy rains that crippled the city.

I happened to be there in 2005 floods and it used to be quite an eerie feeling while crossing the Chintadripet bridge on my bike with a swollen Cooum in full flow. The water levels were just 2-3 feet shy of overflowing the bridge and the river's current was quite intimidating.

Another factor that puts Chennai at a disadvantage vis-a-vis floods is its soil composition. It has a heavy clay content and the absorption of water is poor. Hence inundated areas remain waterlogged for long, due to low percolation. They soon turn into a haunt for cattle, mosquitoes and flies, thereby posing a health hazard to nearby residents.

Like all Indian cities Chennai too has its own share of encroachments on the banks of waterways, lakes and tanks, all thanks to the usual suspects - corrupt political class and bureaucracy, unscrupulous real estate barons and a huge demand for housing.

Moreover, whatever was left of these water bodies was allowed to accumulate silt and indiscriminate dumping of waste, both by factories and households. Hence apart from pollution and stench, the carrying capacity major waterways of the city such as Adyar, Buckingham Canal, Cooum got severely depleted, leaving excess waters to flood low lying areas.

Many trot out the argument that if any city gets a month's rain in a day, it won't be able to cope, however well planned it may be. But this no way absolves the authorities, rapacious builders and factory owners from their guilt in bringing Chennai to such a pass. If the waterways were free from silt, garbage and encroachments then the magnitude of floods would have been much less and the excess water would have drained off to the sea at much faster rate.

After the first wet spell when a cab aggregator came up with the service to supply boats to the distressed people, it invited incredulous smirks and many dismissed it as nothing more than a publicity stunt. But with the second spell the reality, quite literally, sank in. Boats and dinghies became a lifeline to rescue the marooned.

Also Read: Bangalore Beat

James Bond In His Sanskari Avatar

The spectacular success of Spectre in the country has whetted the appetite of James Bond franchise and they want to go beyond the multiplex crowds of the Indian metros to tap the huge market that is Bharat - the country's small towns and hinterlands.

If it were only for the language barrier they would have overcome it by dubbing it in Hindi or any other Indian language, but their extensive research revealed that these audiences somehow cannot relate to the blond Daniel Craig's exploits and craved for shuddh desi characters and plot.

Hence it was decided that to get access to this untapped market they will have to align with local players, mainly the Bollywood filmmakers. The research also revealed that these filmmakers were also very eager to remake Bond flicks with Indian sanskari characteristics. They held an IPL type auction and some of the top Bond hits of yesteryears were lapped up by top Bollywood filmmakers for astronomical sums.

Leading the pack was Sooraj Barjatiya, who managed to snap up two films. The first one was The World is Not Enough, which would be renamed as The World is not Sanskari Enough.

Though the plot of the film is still at conception stage, discreet enquiries with chai walas and spot boys of Rajshri studios revealed the broad storyline is somewhat like this. The desi Bond is on a mission to prevent the sanskar deficit the world currently faces and some are even trying to annihilate it. In this mission he is ably assisted by another agent Sheikh bin Sultan al Zayed, who hails from another sanskar rich country - Saudi Arabia. Together they try to provide vital nourishment and other forms of sustenance to the sanskar starved West.

The other one from Rajshri stable would be For Your Eyes Only, which would be known as For Your Saatvic Eyes Only. The movie will be set in the pilgrim centres located to the north of Rishikesh and my sources were unable to get any more details.

Another yesteryear Bond flick Moonraker was notched up by Karan Johar after a protracted negotiations regarding the improvisation of the title. As it is well known Karan Johar always makes a film whose title begins with the letter ‘k’, hence it was decided that Moonraker in its desi avatar will be known as Karva Chauth Moon Dekhkar.

The movie will be set in Manhattan and revolves around a saatvik love story. Desi Bond falls in love with a girl after ensuring that she belongs to the same caste, but different gotra and is not a manglik. It is also about the valiant efforts of our NRIs in upholding our culture, despite living saat samundar paar.

News regarding the cast is totally under wraps but as in other Karan Johar movies this one will also have many making cameo appearances, which would include Baba Ramdev and Radhe Maa.

Ashutosh Gowarikar was able to snap up the remake of cold war flick Live and Let Die. It would be known as Live and Let Dal Fry. Set in Indian hinterland this movie the desi Bond tries to unravel the recent mystery behind the disappearance of this vital and saatvic source of protein from Indian plates.

It is also rumoured the Ram Gopal Varma is angling for the Timothy Dalton starrer Licence to Kill, but Bond franchise people are wary considering his recent box office track record. It has been more than a decade since he had delivered a hit. Sources close to Ram Gopal varma say if he clinches the deal the movie will be named Licence to kill: Ab Tak Chhappan.

(A work of fully faltoo imagination)

Also Read: Bangalore Beat

Lessons From Bihar Election

Cows may be worshipped in the country, but there is a limit to milking it for votes, especially when prices of various dals (an inherent part of our staple diet) refuse to scale below three digits!!

A wise man once said there are three kinds of lies - lies, damned lies and statistics. Numbers buttressed by algorithms can be quite beguiling and some of our poll pundits fell for it and singed their hard earned credibility, built over the years, in minutes. If jumped the gun. Then be ready to have some crow on your menu!

Dog may be man’s best friend and probably the first animal to be domesticated. But our loyal follower always got the raw deal. It was used as an invective to shame and abuse the rivals. Familiarity they say breeds contempt.

To win elections all parties try to field ‘winnable’ candidates – those with money and muscle power, with few criminal cases thrown in at various police stations. This may cause heartburn among the sincere and dedicated party workers, but this unfortunately is part of realpolitik. Just grin and bear it.

Pakistan, our twin brother, is also seen as a place to dump those with a perceived low patriotism quotient (read non-conformism to majoritarian agenda). Thankfully it is confined to jingoistic sloganeering. The fact of the matter is that almost everybody in our country day dreams of green card!!

Also Read: Bangalore Beat

Beef: The New Four Letter Word

Beef just refuses to go away from the country’s political menu. It is the new four letter word that has divided the society as if it were scythed through by a super sharp cleaver.

A few decades ago in the late 1960s and early 70s a bunch of Union Ministers were derided for being part of ‘kitchen cabinet’. Those were the Indian polity’s early days of unabashed sycophancy and that too around a woman leader. In this day and age such a remark would have been considered downright sexist.

Now forget kitchen cabinet, it looks like the whole Indian politics just does not want to get out of the kitchen. It has become a place where patriotism is stirred up and cooked for public consumption. And woe betides anyone not using the ‘right’ ingredients!

The reason for this huddle in kitchen happens to be the humble cow, the inheritor of kamadhenu legacy, which is blissfully ignorant of all this hullabaloo. For this animal is more worried about the next meal as rising urbanization and dwindling grasslands have dealt a body blow to its food sources. Nowadays the daily grind consists of foraging waste bins and garbage yards for anything edible, amid plastic bags and paper packets, which it accidentally chomps in, leading to health disasters.

While it struggles to keep its emaciated body and soul together, its human masters are at each other’s throats to decide how it should die!

Also Read: Bangalore Beat

Pinned Down By Passwords: Netizens' Agony

'Your password is old and needs to be reset', for any netizen this message is as hurtful and disruptive as biting the tongue while savouring a mint-laden chewing gum. The immediate reaction is 'oh no not again' or somewhat more combative 'WTF, got it changed other day only'.

In this wired and increasingly wireless world passwords and pin numbers are the digital equivalent of what keys and padlocks were to the brick and mortar world. Losing is just not an option and in case of passwords one cannot even seek others help to carry out a search!

In the ever increasing list of passwords and pin numbers (now even some credit cards need them) it becomes a challenge to remember and update them on a frequent basis.

'Password strength not enough' is the prompt we get when we go for some simple and easy to remember words during those updates. Many sites have further raised the bar by asking users to have alphanumeric passwords, which take a heavy toll on the bytes in brain’s grey matter. Names of spouse, kids, girlfriend/boyfriend, exes, movies, movie stars, cricket stars, books, authors... date of birth, marriage anniversary ... all these usual suspect permutations and many more get used up for alphanumeric passwords, but alas like sea waves the reset prompts keep coming. 

And sadly however strong be the password, it makes you no way immune to a hack attack, because they strike at the servers itself, which the site administrators need to take measures to prevent such attacks. 

Remembering passwords is just half the battle. In many sites, as an additional security measure, they have introduced Captcha. A Google search will reveal that Captcha is a type of 'challenge-response test' to determine whether the user is human or not. However, they often make me wonder whether the people who programme those Captchas are anyway human! They contort English alphabets and numerals to such an extent that they resemble a cross between Chinese alphabets and Hieroglyphics. If you clear it in the first attempt, then be rest assured that you may be human, but not normal!!

Banks have an uncanny knack of sending prompts for resetting passwords when you are frantically trying to book a flight or train ticket online. The delay caused due to resetting often costs dear - either you fail to get reservation, get relegated to RAC or fares shoot up.

As for remembering passwords the best way would be to rely on good old pen and paper and store them at a safe place. I shudder when I see people checking their phone screens while typing pin numbers at ATMs. Wonder what they would do if their phone conks off, gets lost or stolen.

If you fail to note down passwords and your memory plays hooky, then you get locked out of emails, bank accounts and host of other services and messages such as 'invalid password' or 'your account has been locked' mock at you. Getting disenfranchised from virtual world can be equally tough as in real one!

Also Read: Bangalore Beat

Dadri Syndrome: Lynch Mob At The Gates

The solemn and heartfelt manner with which the Indian Air Force corporal Mohammad Sartaj conducted himself at a TV programme despite undergoing a grave tragedy of losing his father Mohammad Akhlaq to a lynch mob, left many misty eyed. Probably that was the only take away from the infamous killing in Dadri in Uttar Pradesh, where a man was killed based on beef eating rumours, to assure us that all is not lost even in this bleak moment. The India our founding fathers had visualised still lives on in some pockets.

The fact that a lynch mob can enter the kitchen of a house and attack a family for the type of food they were having provides a chilling reminder of the rising tide of hatred and communal polarisation in the society. 

The political class, the chief architects who brought things to such a pass, have once again showed that whatever be the tragedy they cannot see anything beyond electoral arithmetic and political mileage. In a way Union Minister Mahesh Sharma's statement that the incident happened due to 'misunderstanding' was unwittingly true. 

The cow vigilantes picked up a wrong household - one with hardly any blemish. None of the family members faced any criminal charges and one of them had even donned the Air Force uniform to serve the country - hence very high on deshbhakti quotient.

Moreover it later came to be known that the meat in the refrigerator was not beef as alleged. But the supporters of the lynch mob would have none of it, because for them rumour is the fuel and the medium of communication ranges from good old loudspeakers and word of mouth to new age WhatsApp. They are working overtime posting photoshopped pictures of cow remnants and other rabid campaigns in social media, which would make late Nazi propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels rest assured that at least in India his credo would last another millennium! 

Just imagine if the meat in the refrigerator was actually beef, then it would have been 'advantage' lynch mob (to use a tennis analogy). They would have gone to town saying 'justice' has been done as the killers of our 'mother' have been avenged and some favourably disposed newspaper columnists would have marshalled extreme forms of sophistry to rationalise the killing as 'spontaneous reaction' to 'hurt sentiments'. The fact that possession of beef or its consumption is not prohibited in Uttar Pradesh and Akhlaq had not broken any law would have been relegated to a footnote for the academia, edit pages or TV studios to chew on.

Or think of an even grimmer scenario of beef being found in a house where some family members have a criminal past, a la Sohrabuddin Sheikh. That would have been godsend and the lynch mob would have easily got away with their savagery. Anyone criticising the legality of the lynching would have been branded as supporters of cow killers and desh drohis fit to be exported to Pakistan. "He was anyway a criminal, then why are you speaking on his behalf" would have been the taunt, and the average IPL-fixated Indian Pappu would have nodded in agreement.

The fact that Sartaj had an air force uniform on his back, helped the family land on the positive side of 'good Muslim, bad Muslim' binary, but others may not be that lucky and hence need to be very afraid.

Also Read: Bangalore Beat