The Troll Mantra

Hitting above the belt is a strict no-no. It is a sign of a lack of killer instinct. Anyone doing so will immediately be pink (or saffron) slipped.

Political discourse is meant to be debased. We should see it as a bottomless abyss. The moment people think ‘ok, it can’t get any worse’, we should spring a surprise by plunging to new depths.

Red lines are for the sissies. We should see every such line as a new frontier to be crossed.

Knowledge of choicest expletives should be your second nature, as they form the crucial building blocks of our arguments. Ability to coin new pejorative terms (for example sickular, presstitute) would be an added plus and richly rewarded.

Making the opponents and our readers feel perpetually nauseated should be our all abiding motto and we should work tirelessly with amoralist fervour.

The other elements include a gift for sophistry, whataboutery, and demonization. All these tools should be used as and when the situation demands.

If you or your leader is under attack, try to look for skeletons in the opponents’ closet. If not manufacture one. Referring Postcard News can be handy, make that your home page.

Another time-tested tactic should be to deflect the issue by whataboutery. This who-cast-the-first-stone argument helps in immobilizing opponents and misleading people.

Keep in mind some important dates such as 1947 (Congress raj began) and 1984 (anti-Sikh riots), 1975 (Emergency) and 2014 (the advent of Ram Rajya).

Depending on the context hurl back the questions. If it is on the slow pace of development then ask: ‘What good has happened in the last 70 years since 1947?’. If it is about riots and communal atrocities then ‘Where were you in 1984?’. For matters related to the curtailment of civil liberties ‘Why you did not speak up during Emergency?’.

If none of the above work, then there is Jawaharlal Nehru, the ultimate fail-safe option. Even more than 50 years after his death, India’s first prime minister has the unenviable reputation of being the most invoked scapegoat and demonized for all the ills plaguing the country.

Lastly, to blow one’s own trumpet there is always UNESCO. This UN wing is a low hanging fruit and its officials sitting in distant shores have no idea what all gets concocted under its name and gets lapped up as gospel truth on Indian WhatsApp groups.

Also Read: Bangalore Short Takes