Scientists trace the origin of our species to somewhere in
Africa, but I am more than content with my stay in India, where I was born and
brought up. This country has a glorious tradition of accepting persecuted
migrants such as Parsis, Jews and Bahais with open arms and this love is not
merely confined to humans. It extends to mosquitoes, locusts, numerous types of
viruses and the like, escaping from other countries due to inhospitable weather
or stricter hygiene standards.
Like my cousin Anopheles mosquito (which spreads
malaria), I too thrive in water, however, our similarities end there. I have far better hygiene standards. I do not
stay in dirty smelly puddles or open drains. I prefer much more cleaner,
homely surroundings and fresh water sources. I feel more at home in money plant bottles, damp room coolers,
uncovered overhead tanks. For outdoors I prefer to lounge in water accumulated
in abandoned tyres, coconut shells and at construction sites.
When we first landed in India, our clan was mainly confined
to its capital, hence the dengue virus we promoted through our
widow-to-window 'sting' operation was often known as 'Delhi dengue'. That way
this country is very strange, it has city and region names associated with
various diseases. Thus we have Madras eye (conjunctivitis), the same disease is
also known as Jai Bangla in eastern parts of the country. Then there is the
good old Delhi belly (diarrhea or dysentery caused after eating Indian food),
and according to Urban Dictionary it is also known as Karachi crouch - probably to
assuage the feelings of our hurt neighbour, who is no way inferior in
inflicting such below-the-belt googlies.
Coming back to dengue, our promotion was so successful that
it soon outgrew from being sporadic and self-contained outbreaks in certain
pockets of the country. It acquired a pan-India presence with the status of a
general epidemic that peaks between August and January. Terms like 'platelet
count', hitherto associated with obscure diseases like hemophilia, acquired
wider currency among aam aadmi or 'mango men'. Blood test laboratories made a killing because doctors began sending every second case of fever to them. It also boosted the sales of mosquito coils and mats, even though we can vouch they are as effective as government schemes aimed at fighting poverty.
It was indeed flattering to hear anti-corruption crusader Arvind Kejriwal claiming, "I am worse than dengue" to show how lethal he can
be. It made us feel we have really arrived.
We received lot of bad press after Yash Chopra's death.
Actually Yashji was not our target. The chick (in our clan only females carry
out stings, the males are wastrels who live on fruits and mate with us) who carried out the
operation was new to Mumbai and Film City. As a punishment we have transferred
her to a more low-profile chikungunya project, which we carry out in the hotter
climes of south India.
However, when Ajmal Kasab had dengue-like fever, we started
trending on Twitter with congratulatory messages pouring in. Some even promised
that if he conks off, then as a mark of respect towards us they will stop using
mosquito mats for a week. Sadly it turned out to be a false alarm, and we were
denied a windfall.
(A work of low platelet imagination)
Ha ha, this a good one, Shajil. Keep posting. :-)
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